if i can run in heels then i can drive
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
