so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he thought i was a dude.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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