I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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