You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
