We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
