I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
