I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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