I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
