it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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