omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
