Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
false alarm, still single
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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