I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize