I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
