if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
3pm strippers are depressing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
