the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ugly people sure do ruin things
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize