He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
