Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
