How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
