So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got inside last night via doggy door
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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