3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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