you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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