Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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