She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
