the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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