Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
