She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
