he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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