The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
