He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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