Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
