I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
