so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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