Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
