Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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