Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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