Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
