Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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