i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
