oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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