Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize