We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize