Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
