Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i think i just lost a toe
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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