On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
