and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
