Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
