Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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