i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I still have a little drunk in my system
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
