And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
