she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's always time for handjobs
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize