I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
