Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
