So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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