I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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