they need to just BURY HIM!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
