singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
