I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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