So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Its about making memories worth repressing
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
