Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
