I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All I want is dick and wine.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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