Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
