Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
