just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
