I want to make a zoo with you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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