great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
