I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
