I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
